Evaluating and Revising Descriptive Writing

If your details do not help your readers see the subject, then you need to add sensory details and figures of speech.

If your picture is not clear, then you need to cut words that are general or fuzzy. Add exact ones.

If your details do not create a feeling about your subject, then create voice and pizzazz to your writing.

If your details are not organized, reorder the details so that they make sense to your reader.

Sounds simple doesn't it?

Well, we all know that revision is not that easy. To revise a piece means that you have to revisit it and make a conscious effort to change it. That is difficult. 

It is always a good idea to get another person's opinion of your piece. Be prepared to let folks read what you have written and give you corrective feedback.

Proofreading is not revision. Proofreading is when you catch and correct errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics.

If you use a spell-checker program, remember that it won't help or catch errors with homonyms.

When your description is ready, share it with others.

You have created a clear picture with your description. Now get your picture ready for viewing by proofreading and correcting it carefully. Exchange papers with a partner, who may catch errors you missed. Then, share your description with the entire class.

Do you have a portfolio? If you do, be sure and add your description to your portfolio.

At this point in my blogging lessons, I've gone through many of the steps for writing a description. Let's add something to our Writing Workshop.

You can use the lessons that you have learned to write poetry. A kind of poetry that creates very small word-pictures is haiku.

Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry that describes one moment in nature. A haiku has seventeen syllables--five in lines one and three, and seven in line two. As you read the following poems, notice how the haiku captures a simple but vivid scene in just three lines.

The lightning flashes

And slashes through the darkness

A night heron's screech

An old silent pond

A frog jumps into the pond

Splash silence again

Let's Think This Through:

Which haiku do you like more? Why?

What details fo sight does the poet use in each haiku?

What details of sound or touch do the poems include?

Writing a Descriptive Poem:

Choose a scene in nature that you can observe, recall, or imagine clearly. you might choose the sun rising over the ocean, fireworks in a dark sky, a dog shaking off water after a swim. Visualize the subject, and jot down sensory details that describe it. Can you think of comparisons that might help you?

As you write you haiku, listen to the sounds of words as well as to their meaning. In the first haiku, the word screech has a sharp sound. That kind of sound fits with the word slashing. Play with words to try out different sounds. Read your haiku to some classmates. Ask them if your description captures the feeling you want to give.

Check spelling, punctuation, and capitalization before you write a final copy. Then, decide how to arrange your poem on a page. Leave white space around it ot draw attention to how brief it is. Sign yur poem, and if you wish, illustrate it with a drawing or decoration.

If you decide to include your poems in your writing portfolio, date the poem and attach a note responding to these questions:

How did you decide on what type of scene to use?

Was it easy for you to find sounds that went with your meaning?

Why or why not?

Let's Make Some Connections:

Classified ads are another form of description. They are called classified because they are arranged into categories.

Classified ads are usually short, because newspapers charge by the word or line. Within a short space, the writer must make the item sound better than other, similar items.

Try writing your own classified ad. Think of an object that you might sell someday and the way that you would describe it. Then write a three or four line ad, making each line forty characters. When you have finished, share your ad with a classmate.

A Poem in Two Languages

Poets rely on the sounds of words as well as the meanings. Sometimes a word sounds very different in another language. Try writing a brief poem describing a scene in nature. Use any form you like. Do a little research though and substitute some of the English words with foreign words.