Writing the First Draft of a Description

An artist paints a picture with brushes and paint. These are the artist's tools. When you write a description, you are painting a picture, too. Your tools are words.

The basic elements of description:

Sensory details come from using your senses--sight, touch, hearing, smell, and taste. In this paragraph, many sensory detils help create a strong picture of hard work

It was hot work, dusty work. Chemicals used for spraying the vines smelled bad and choked him. Spider webs got in his face. Broken vines scratched his arms. Grapes stained his hands. Sweat poured into his eyes, in spite of the hankerchief wrapped around his forehead.
~Mighty Hard Road

Exact words make your description sharp. For example, an exact word for the color of your favorite sweater might be turquoise or navy, not blue. A duck doesn't walk, it waddles. In the following paragraph, a young boy finds a fawn, or young deer, that he has been looking for. As you read, notice how the writer uses exact words such as startled, fawn, and stare.

Movement directly in fronto of him starteled him so that he tumbled backward. The fawn lifted its fact to his. It turned its head with a wide, wondering motion and shook him through with the stare of its liquid eyes. It was quivering. It made no effort to rise or run. Jody could not trust himself to move.
~Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, The Yearling 

Figures of speech compare two things that are very different. When you use a figure of speech, you don't mean exactly what you say. "This room is a pig pen" doesn't really mean that pigs live in the room. It just means the room is messy. Similes and metaphors are two figures of speech that are easy to use.

A simile compares two things using the words like or as. "My mother's voice was like a cool, dark room in summer--peaceful, soothing, quiet." ~Eugenia collier, "Marigolds."

A metaphor compares two things directly. It doesn't use like or as.

"During the storm, the sky was a cloudy sea."

Mechanics Hint:

Noun Plurals

The exact words that you use in your descriptions are often nouns. Remember that nouns form their plurals in different ways.

Form the plural of many nouns by adding an s.

Examples: 

Little rays of light helped me see.

I imagined hairy spiders and coiled snakes in the darkness.

Add es to nouns ending in s, x, z, ch, or sh.

Example: In the dim light, I saw two small foxes hiding in the bushes.

Other nouns form their plurals in different ways. Use your dictionary to find the correct noun plurals.

Maybe you recall a special place from your childhood. Could you describe that place vividly? Read the following description of a special place that one girl shared with her parents. As you read, look for details that make the place and the people seem real.

From "Water Girl"

by Joyce Carol Thomas

Amber's mother had scrubbed the oak floors until they gleamed like gold, until the seams in the parquet danced with light. A center rug embroidered with blue trumpet vines hooking themselves into a round wreath added warmth and comfort. The mother had rinsed the enormous plate-glass window in vinegar water and shined it with a soft lintless rag until one wondered whether or not there really was any glass in the pane. Amber often looked out this window to capture a panoramic view of the sea. It was a simple room, sparsely furnished but alive with light and warmth.

A rocking chair sat next to a little wicker table. When Amber was much younger, her father would rock her to sleep here. A couch, upholstered in a fabric woven from blue and red threads, sat opposite the rocker. Before her father would rock her to sleep, her mother would tell her stories on this couch. From a distance, the blue and red threads gave off the color of purple. It was only when Amber was closer, sitting on the couch in her mother's lap, sucking on her three middle fingers and listening to the story of the bear who went fishing in a lake, that she could see where the red stopped and the blue began.

Analyzing a Description 

After reading the description, can you see Amber's living room in your mind? Discuss the following questions with your class or a small group.

What feeling about Amber's family does the passage give you?

What word might describe that feeling?

How does the first sentence create a vivid image?

What are two sensory details the writers uses to describe the living room?

What specific information does she give about the couch?

The writer uses the order of importance and spatial order. 

What object in the room seems to be most important to her?

How does she use spatial order?

Joyce Carol Thomas is a skilled professional writer, so her model may be hard for you to match. before you begin writing your description, read the following model written by a student. It is probably more like what you might write yourself.

Last summer, I discovered a different world when I crawled under the house to look for a lost baseball. The crawl space was like a secret cave. Mostly it was dark, but little rays of light from the house above helped me to see. The ground smelled musty and damp, and it was rough on my hands and knees. Above me I could just barely hear music from the radio. Sticky cobwebs got in my mouth. It was cool, but I began to sweat. I imagined hairy spiders and coilded snakes in the darkness. I crawled quickly back to the front and poked my head out of the opening. Bright sunlight blinded my eyes. I felt likea bear coming out of its cave after a long winter's nap.

Are you ready to paint a picture with words? Using the details that you have collected, write the first draft of your description. As you write, focus on the feeling you want to create about your subject. Remember to use sensory details, exact words, and figures of speech so that your description will seem real to your readers.